Content warning: This narrative contains depictions of child sexual abuse and thoughts of self-harm, which could be upsetting for certain readers.
Harrison James was only 10 years old when his parents separated. It was described as a "very challenging divorce," during which Harrison lost contact with his father for three years.
At that time, his father met and wed a woman from the Philippines who was in her late 20s.
At 13 years old, Harrison sought a supportive male role model and reestablished contact with his father, choosing to move in with him and his new wife.
"Unbeknownst to me, the choice would bring me into contact with a new person in my life, my stepmother. At first, she seemed like a helpful figure, amid the turmoil of our broken family. I finally felt noticed and understood, truly listened to," he said.Info.
In truth, Harrison was being prepared.
View: Harrison discusses his experiences. Post continues below.
Grooming is a complicated and sneaky procedure. It is frequently marked by gentle manipulation and abuse.
Harrison claimed he felt cherished, yet in reality, he was receiving unwanted focus. This later progressed into sexual abuse.
"She recognized a chance to take advantage of me. It slowly progressed into increased acts of control and pressure; it felt like a slow erosion of my limits and independence," he stated.
I was a 13-year-old boy experiencing puberty with increasing hormones, and in a strange way, my stepmother made me think we were in a normal relationship.
Looking back, I now clearly see it as a complete misuse of authority. It was a distortion of my childhood.
Harrison claimed he was sexually abused "every day, both before and after school." This continued from when he was 13 until the day he turned 16, when the mistreatment ceased.
Harrison, 13 years old. Image: Instagram/itsharrijames.
Throughout the difficult time, Harrison kept the details of what was happening behind closed doors to himself.
"I used to go to school and bear the burden of the secret, and it was like carrying a backpack filled with bricks. It was truly heartbreaking," he said.
There was anxiety, intimidation, and control. She would state, 'No one will discover it' and 'If you speak up, we could both end up in prison'. She would also imply that I was 'the male figure in this relationship'. I was still a minor.
At the age of 15, Harrison's stepmother had a daughter. The baby belonged to him.
"My daughter was born when I was 15. I had to make it seem like she was my sister, because my father was very physically abusive towards me during my childhood," he said.
I felt a wave of fear as I thought about how he would react if he discovered the truth, fearing that I might be killed.
Even though he had a vasectomy many years ago, Harrison's father was "in denial, believing my daughter was his."
Image: Instagram/itsharrijames.
'Trapped in a web'.
Following the supposed abuse, which concluded when he was 16, the pressure from Harrison's stepmother did not disappear. It remained, like a shadow, influencing each encounter and choice.
"I found myself ensnared in a network of deceit and anxiety, where the mere idea of voicing my concerns seemed like a violation of my stepmother's trust," he stated.
The pressure forced me to safeguard her, as it was the only reaction I was familiar with back then, deeply embedded within me... each move appeared controlled by a feeling of duty and fear.
Escaping the cycle demanded every bit of Harrison's strength.
"Let alone the fact that my main concern was to protect my daughter from danger," he stated.
Each choice I took was focused on her security, aware that a single mistake might put her health at risk. It was a tough responsibility to bear at such an early stage in life.
At the age of 19, Harrison's stepmother left the country with their daughter, claiming her relationship with his father was not functioning. The stepmother is still abroad. No legal charges have been filed against her.
In an attempt to shift attention away from her departure, Harrison's stepmother wrongly claimed he committed rape in an email sent to his father — this was completely untrue, according to Harrison.
It compelled him to reveal the actual events.
"I was saying, 'No, this is what actually occurred.' I revealed for the first time to my mother, and also mentioned that my 'little sister' is actually my daughter," he said.
The decision to speak up was taken away from me, it wasn't made according to my own choices. My father still doesn't believe me even now. My family is entirely divided.
Harrison, aged 15, with his new baby daughter. Image: Supplied/Instagram @itsharrijames.
After the revelation, Harrison found himself in a difficult mental state. At 20 years old, he admitted himself to a psychiatric centre.
"I reached a stage where I felt like ending my life. I was 20 years old, my daughter had been taken away from me, I was wrongly charged with rape, and I carried the memories of what had occurred to me as a child. That's a lot for anyone to deal with. I got to the point where I simply couldn't cope," he explained.
So I chose to get assistance, which enabled me to begin the recovery process. I had noticed other men in the media sharing their stories once they were 40, 50, or even 60 years old. I aimed to address my trauma early at the age of 20.
For a period of two months, Harrison was provided with the necessary care and acquired the skills required to manage his situation.
During this period, with the help of experts, Harrison came to understand that his experience with the abuser was not a 'relationship' but rather a severe breach of trust and control. He realized he had been a victim of child sexual abuse.
A struggle to amend the legislation.
After Harrison found himself in a more positive situation, he chose to tell his story by posting a video on social media, aiming to regain his voice.
"I was overwhelmed by an unusual blend of fear and resolve. I was concerned about the unknown, the possible consequences. Yet, I was committed to shattering the silence that had held me for nearly ten years," he said..
Fortunately, the response was filled with strong approval.
Over the last four years, Harrison has been leading the #YourReferenceAintRelevant initiative with fellow survivor advocate Jarad Grice. They have both advocated for the removal of the provision of 'good character' referencesfrom instances of child sexual abuse.
"Individuals who commit child sexual abuse, by the very nature of their actions, do not possess good character. They are naturally predatory, and therefore their so-called 'good character' cannot be distinguished from the harm they cause," Harrison stated.
And now, they've succeeded.
On Sunday, the New South Wales Government revealed its plan to introduce laws that will remove the consideration of 'good character' evidence as a factor that could reduce sentences for offenders. This new legislation was presented today.
Senior Lawyer Michael Daley highlighted Harrison and Jarad for their dedicated campaigning regarding the "important change".
"Survivors of crime shouldn't be forced to sit in court and hear the individual who harmed them or their family member referred to as a 'good person,'" he stated.
Several offenders attempt to leverage their reputation and societal status to carry out significant crimes, subsequently downplaying their responsibility.
None of the offenders should be allowed to use their 'good character' as a way to reduce the impact of their illegal actions.
Harrison told Infoit was "truly a dream come true" to witness the reform being approved following four years of advocacy driven by survivors.
"Initially aimed at safeguarding children, this has led to one of the major changes in how our courts handle harm, responsibility, and fairness," he stated.
In the end, and unfortunately, Harrison is not the only person who has experienced this. Approximately one in three girls and one in five boys have faced sexual abuse before turning 18 in Australia.
It's evident that further action is required — and there is hope that other states and regions will emulate NSW. In December, the ACT declared its intention to introduce legislation that would eliminate good character references for individuals who have committed child sexual abuse.
Harrison and fellow activist Jarad Grice. Image: Instagram/itsharrijames.
For Harrison, campaigning has enabled him to transform his suffering into something greater.
Sharing my experience is a genuine act of freedom and a rediscovery of my voice and control after going through trauma. It's very healing. Although my path has involved suffering and sorrow, this advocacy work has been a source of hope for me during the toughest moments.
Since 2019, Harrison has not been in touch with his abuser or his daughter, who is still living abroad.
"I wake up each day struggling to resist the desire to catch the first flight there and take her back home," he said to Infoearlier.
I understand as a parent that would be very self-centered. That country is all she has ever known, and think about being an eight-year-old girl realizing that the brother you were told about is actually your father and how that happened. My childhood has already been ruined; we don't need another one.
Not being with her has been "the most painful and sorrowful result" of the abuse.
"If she's similar to me, there will come a time when she'll have questions and want to understand things as she grows older," he stated.
"We'll just have to deal with that when the time comes." I truly hope there is a day when my daughter and I can be together again. That desire for her company in my life continues to be constant.
Harrison's healing after the trauma has not followed a straight path, but instead is a journey that may not lead to a definitive end.
It is characterized by highs and lows, successes and challenges. Some days he perceives progress as real, while on others, the burden of the past feels heavy.
Yet within it all, he continues to experience a significant level of hope, strength, and enthusiasm.
"To my fellow survivors, I wish to express my support. Our voices and experiences are significant, as is the process of recovery. We should not have to decide between our health and seeking justice, nor should we be limited by our history," he states.
Our identity is shaped by our resilience, bravery, and steadfast determination. Standing tall after experiencing such hardship is truly admirable. We should feel proud.
The piece was released in 2024 and has been revised to include additional details.
For more by Harrison James, you can follow him onInstagram here, and for updates on the #YourReferenceAintRelevant Campaign, you can check outHarrison's website here.
If this causes any problems for you, get in touchBravehearts, an organization focused on preventing and addressing child sexual abuse, call 1800 272 831.
If you believe you might be dealing with depression or another mental health issue, it's advisable to reach out to your local doctor. For those located in Australia, round-the-clock assistance can be obtained via Lifeline at 13 11 14 or beyondblue at 1300 22 4636.
Feature Image: Supplied.
Comments
Post a Comment